This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head
Office to a customer in Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is
considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your
husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few
months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and
randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told
her in an official tone,”Code 3″ in housewares….. and watched what
happened.
5. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’
sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department
And told shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked
if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, “Why can’t you people
just leave me alone?”
8. October 4: Looked right into the security
camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing
kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew
where the antidepressants were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly
humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the “Madonna look”
using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,
Yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed
the foetal position and screamed “NO!
NO! It’s those voices again.”
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while;
then yelled, very loudly, “There is no
toilet paper in here.”
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
Store Manager
